"I do not understand the mystery of grace- only that it meets us where we are, but does not leave us where it found us." Ann Lamott
If the last few years have taught me anything, it is that the only real home exists in your heart, not to be found a building, a person, a relationship, a possession, or a job. These things are aspects of a life that swell the joy that abides within in our own heart, allowing that joy ot blossom and grow to greater capacities.
I have been on a sweet, crazy, some would say intense spiritual journey the last 6 years. Sometimes I question "why me?". Why does this call to explore happen to some and not others? I was very happy in my life as it existed when I heard the call and followed. Little did I know that once I started out, that reality I had built my life on would disappear and leave me with nothing to do but turn around and keep going.
After my Vision Quest experience I felt the need to rest and recuperate. I spent more time in silence and alone in the last year than in my entire life combined. It was new and strange for me to not crave the company and companionship of friends and community, but for some reason, for the first time in my life I just let myself trust in what was there and not judge it or deny it even though it made no logical sense.
What has happened in the end is that I feel a sense of arrival. No where to go, no desire to learn more or be more or do any more. It's a wonderful place to be. It's quiet and still and like living in a cozy room with a big comfy chair and a quilt just waiting for me whenever I want to cuddle up and find my center.
This quote from TS Elliot is fitting:
"We shall not cease from exploring
And at the end of all our exploring
We will arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time."
I'm settling into a new place that as I nest here I find it's small size and quaint spirit cozy and inviting, whispering to me "Welcome home, my dear.....Welcome home."
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