A Holy Silence

While most of the country runs around shopping and spending and thinking of gifts, and some also acknowledge this at the time to honor the birth of Christ, I find my soul celebrating most what will transpire on Sunday morning as my Holy Day (Holiday). Christmas is another incarnation of Solstice. The Birth of Christ, the Son of God, we celebrate at this time of year, even though this is not the time on the calendar that it most likely actually occurred. We celebrate it very close to the Solstice, the re-birth of the Sun. Both, the Son and the Sun, Born and reborn again. In our hearts and minds. In the physical and in the spiritual. In form and in formlessness.

When I did my Vision Quest over a year ago, I knew I would be stepping forward in making a difference in the world. I'd been given a general idea of what that would look like, and since returning, it seemed that not much showed up around that being an actual opportunity. At times I wondered if I was skirting it. In the meantime, I have witnessed and gone through a continual shifting of pieces of my life. My work, my home, my heart, my mind all transforming in many big and small ways, all for the good.

As we approach this Solstice, I have a growing feeling that 'it is time'. Time to step forward. Time to let go of fear. Time to stop playing small. Time to let go of the excuses, supposedly valid, or not.

I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm sort of leaping on faith and that it wasn't scary. I don't have all the answers yet. I'm full of questions...the biggest ones being 'how will I make ends meet' and 'where will I find the time and energy'? I think of the teaching that my job is not to worry about the HOW, my job is just to know that WHAT and step forward in faith and ask. I think of the scripture, "I stand at the door and knock". That knock has been getting louder and I can't ignore it any more.

I take responsibility for the ways I've been distracting myself for months now...cruising the web, reading and many more. I guess I thought maybe if I ignored the impulse long enough it would simply go away? No matter. Now I know and I accept.

A couple of weeks ago, I finally had the courage to face it and say "Yes". So I started with a Journey, asking for a teaching, for one small thing I could do to step forward. What I was shown was far from small. It was definitely intimidating and since then I've done a little hiding again. But as I prepare for the Solstice, for the return of the Sun, the return of the light I can no longer hide my own under a bushel and I acknowledge that I know enough to take some small steps in the direction. So, this morning I lit a candle, said a prayer and reaffirmed my "YES".

There will be many Journey's to guide me through and I know now that each the time between my Quest and today was vital. It was preparatory, it was a time of healing and growth so that I would have the courage and strength to offer my time and energy in service to others.

I feel a time of prayer and silence descending. A Holy Silence. Laura goes to her dad's tomorrow for a week and I sense that this will be the beginning of a new beginning. And reverence is where I start. Prayer is where I start. Silence and Faith will be my traveling companions.

As light reenters our earth and therefore our lives on Sunday, I offer this new year, 2009 as a year of service. A year to give back and make a difference in whatever way I am lead.

I offer myself as a servant. I let go of anything that will get in my way. I embrace the people and things that will support me. I ask for the discernment to know the difference. Blessed Be!