L'Chiam

L'Chiam...the phrase the Jewish poeple shout as they raise their glasses in the air, toasting "to life". Racheal Naomi Ramen was told by her grandfather that it means that no matter what difficulty life brings, no matter how hard or painful or unfair life is, life is holy and worthy of celebrating.

I feel this in my own life now...as I come down and out of a 3 year journey trying to return my life to what it was before, both financially and physically. It ended up being as futile as trying to catch water as it ran through my fingers.

Life isn't like that. It's always changing. I knew that before, but now more deeply. Life is very much like water; ever moving, capable of multiple forms of being depending on where it finds itself.

I knew I was holding on, grasping, not letting go, but it was as if I couldn't help myself. It took a very, very long time to accept that what was would never be again.

I did celebrate throughout, but looking back, underneath there was always a certain level of grasping. I don't judge myself for it, but I do acknowledge it's presence in the process and hope that next time, simply having met and lived with it before, I can make a different choice.

Today I sit with an underlying restlessness. Feels a lot like boredom. But I know it is more. We have the arrival of the full moon next Monday, the 9th, and last night she started creeping into my bones. It is her doing, this charged, rending energy that feels as if it could overpower me, and because I've had it happen before I'm not looking forward. She did it to me last February and it felt like a madness, really. I could hardly breath, hardly sit still. So, this time I'll do yoga and breathe and see what comes out the other side.

And, I will offer a loud "L'Chiam" as I do so. Because I do bless life, which is about celebrating, rather than trying to fix. Racheal also says,

"Life offers it's wisdom generously. Everything teaches. Not everyone learns. Life asks us the same thing, "Stay awake. Pay attention". But paying attention is no simple matter. It requires us not to be distracted by expectations, past experiences, labels and masks. It asks that we not jump to early conclusions and that those who have courage to imbrace life without judgment and are willing to not know, sometimes for a long time. It requires us to be more fully and simply alive than we have been taught to be. It may require us to suffer. But ultimately we will be more than we were when we began."