REAL life stuff

Wow, life has surely picked up the pace this week. Right now there are clothes to fold and vacuuming to do, but I will take some time for me and be with inspiration for awhile. A small gift for myself on a very ordinary day (although we may go see a movie this afternoon). For me, writing is one way I tap into time with the Beloved. It's an effortless way to hear not only my voice, but that higher voice that brings me peace. I find it in meditation as well, but I seem to need both. It makes me appreciate the ebb and flow and rhythm life naturally brings. I had plenty of time on the couch nursing my knee injury over the holiday break (not by choice) and the kids were with their dad, so the dish and laundry duty was down to almost nothing. It gave me the time to bask in thought and inspiration. Whether I like it or not, it's back to life as normal despite less than a full recovery. I almost don't remember not being in pain anymore. There was a teaching there for me....for the first time in my life, learning to relax into rather than resist pain. I spent several days in resistance and anger about it, and got sick of the emotional feeling; the sense of desperation and tension got old as I realized it wasn't going away quickly. There was also fear as I have watched my mother struggle with painful arthritic knees for so long and I wasn't ready OR willing to walk that path.

Thankfully, the warrior in me made a turn on New Year's Eve. I had planned on joining my Ecstatic dance friends to dance in the new year, but couldn't imagine how that was possible considering my condition. I had a phone conversation where I considered my options with my friend Peter and told him I needed to sit with it and call him back. As soon as I put the phone down, I felt it. I call it my "Phoenix Rising", cause I have no other analogy. It's energetic and it rises up through my core unconsciously. During some of the struggles of my life I have wished it away, wondering WHY I cannot be like others and pull the covers over my head and let the calvary rush in and save me from the pain and work required in the circumstance. My Human Design Study would 'blame' it on the '3' in my profile. A '3' is here to learn by trial and error and 'bumping into' the next right thing, but in the process there is the downside of the bell curve, and with that comes built-in courage and strength. So there you go....

It didn't take but a minute after putting down the phone and I felt it. Next thing I know, I'm on my feet and ready to defy the odds. I call Peter, declaring my intention to do my best to dance my way into 2008; that I would stay until the pain got too bad or 12:30am came, with no promise for which would come first. So, I did it. I danced through the pain and inspite of it. I was actually amazed at the movmements I was able to do in light of the mobility of my body in the previous days. But I enjoyed every second for sure. I found it didn't matter what I was doing, I hurt, so I may as well enjoy myself. Dancing is my way to connect with the kid in me, who really didn't allow herself much of a childhood when she had the chance. And after years of dancing in the traditional, cultural sense of standing there waiting to be noticed and invited, feeling pretty damn invisable 99% of the time, then when I did dance it was some controlled, socially normal thing. I think I like Ecstatic cause even though you are sharing the floor with many, you are mostly there by and for yourself. It is only about allowing your body to move and be the vehicle to express your emotions, although lately I feel my body taking the helm and unwinding years of physical holdings in deep places, which is cool.

So, today I'll rise and dance through the laundry and dishes, I guess?

I was given an invitation last weekend (through my Shaman Sister Sandy) to go to Ireland with a woman I heard speak years ago, and I really was impressed with. If you want to know more about her, go to www.triplespiral.info. Laura and I had seen the movie "PS, I love you" over break and I had really soaked in the beauty of Ireland during the movie, perhaps even craving it. Sometimes a place comes in front of me and I just KNOW I am supposed to go there. It happened with Heartwood in 2003, and it was one of the greatest gifts in my life. It was where I woke up and got reacquanted with myself and my connection to the earth. The first time I heard nature's voice (in decades) and remembered the sacred nature of myself and all beings. I also met one of my best friends in the world, Shoshana. And she has been there for me in a way that no one else could have, even though we are far away from eachother in miles, I feel her love and support. I can say anything to her and I know I will still be loved and accepted. So, here I am with another place I'm supposed to go and I anxiously await what is ahead. I am also getting the gift of bringing Laura along with me. And the fact that she is excited to go, makes it even better. I have the feeling that this trip is in some way important for her spiritually, and I wouldn't be surprised if by next year at this time, she wouldn't be caught dead with me for that long alone. My dear friend Trish, who was my supporter at Vision Quest last summer is also going. We will tour many of the ancient, spiritual sites of the country. Laura will turn 12 during the trip, actually the night of a 24 hour spiritual retreat. And what better way than with 20 other highly conscious, crazy women to welcome her into the Clan of being a Woman? So we are busy getting passports and all that! Amber was invited, but feels it's too close to her graduation, so she will be in our thoughts and will take great care of the dogs, I'm sure. And proabably LOVE having us out of the house.........